Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Get up offa that thing

The body of an alien in Area 51.

John Prine was right—it’s a big ol’ goofy world. Anchorage finally has enough snow to kick off fat-biking season, and my friend Deb the Crazy Cat Lady is sending me flip-off photos from trails where the weather is so warm, she can still smile after failing to make it through a stream.

She made it into the Fabulous Finger Gallery—again—but we get the last laugh, because she’s down there wearing shorts and riding in the woods where men are banjo-playing men, and the canoeists are nervous. Meanwhile, those of us in Alaska may be wearing a few extra layers, but the snowy trails are gettin’ sweet.

The only question is, where the hell is everybody? It seems like you can’t swing one of Deb’s dead cats in this town without hitting somebody who recently bought a fat bike, but the singletrack is shaping up slowly after snowstorms, because few people seem to be venturing out.

What the shit, people? The main advantage to having so many snow bikers in Anchorage is that when more of us hit the trails, they get buffed out faster. Hell, a few years ago it took at least a week for trails to get decent after a significant snow dump. The past couple of winters, while snow bikes were flying off the shelves like ugly underwear in Salt Lake City, the trails got so much fat-tire traffic they were routinely in great shape only a couple of days after a storm.

Are you having trouble accepting the arrival of winter? Are you spending your weekends watching football? Did you take up knitting? Have you been too busy watching that bitch Nancy Grace do drunken cow imitations on Dancing With the Stars?

OK, if it’s that last thing, do whatever you want. I have no use for you. Otherwise, dust off your fat bikes and go outside. It’s a big ol’ snowy world, and you're missing it.


Jennoit said...

In my fantasy world all of the AK and YT winter bikers would get together and ride all over each other's trails and then life would be perfect. We had a LOT of snow this past week too and the trail riding was pretty challenging last weekend. Maybe we need to make friends with more snowshoers?

Tim said...

Hmm. High-speed rail between Anchorage and Whitehorse? I would take advantage of that.

Phil B said...

To anyone whose FB is getting a bit too dusty - let me know and I'll be glad to take it out on a training ride for ya - just trying to do my part ya know.

Jonathan said...

Must be the trails you're riding. I was out with the Bike Commuters for their Second Saturday ride and we saw tons of fatties on the Chester Creek trail.

Tim said...

Jonathan, it's definitely about which trails I'm riding. Singletrack is where I go for fun. Highways like Chester Creek are for getting to work!

Julie said...

I, literally, have taken up knitting. But I also have been out riding the trails.

Debbie said...

This sounds like the inspiration for an Alhansen AKSpokes trail review.