Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Downhill D-bags

I hate it when bike riders piss me off as much as Nordic skiers do. I also hate that our sport has fragmented into distinct groups, one of which seems to attract more than its share of self-absorbed douche bags.

Yeah, I’m talking about you, downhill punks. It’s hard enough to respect coasters who do nothing but shuttle uphill in pickups, but when you behave like assholes, I simply abandon any pretense of respecting you.

I know some downhillers are nice people. I’ve know one or two of them. But for every good one, there seems to be 25 pricks. They’re the ones who bomb two-way singletrack, endangering anyone pedaling uphill.

They’re the ones who skid into every corner, shredding every trail they touch.

They’re the ones who do nothing to help build and maintain trails.

They’re the ones who strut around with the cocky attitudes of teenage brats desperate to impress chicks.

They’re the ones who cop an ugly attitude when a real mountain biker tries to have a civil conversation about controlling speed and respecting the safety of uphill riders.

They’re the ones who would probably never read this blog. But to all of them I have only one thing to say: Screw you.


Vito said...

Ran into three of these A__holes several years back on the Superior Hiking Trail of all places. Would have loved to put my Leki poles through their front spokes.

Griddle said...

I think that there is an exponentially proportional relationship between douchebaggery and speed, regardless of means of mobility (bike, ski, drive, whatever). Something like:

D = d * s^2, s ≥ 1

where D is total douchedness, d is the base level of douchedness, and s is speed.

Similar relationships exist between douchebaggery and noise, energy consumption, gunpowder ignition, and amount of hair gel owned.

Notorious T said...

Griddle, you're the first person who has ever made me wish I'd paid attention in algebra class.