I'm not a morning person. As a matter of fact, morning pisses me off. I'm opposed to it on general principles.
The only thing that sours my morning mood more than waking up is ignoring my bikes and having to drive to work, or reading a lame newspaper story about how no one is having fun outdoors because the weather sucks.
I'm not mad that the weather sucks. I'm mad that another deskbound reporter didn't bother to get outside and find out what's really happening. Tuesday morning's Daily Snooze said the only people having fun right now are runners with studded shoes.
Excuse me?! Runners?
Let's see, how many runners have I run into on the Hillside trails lately? Hmm, let me think now ... oh, yeah, I remember ... ZIP! Nada! Zero! Big zilch, baby! It's mountain bikers I've been seeing, usually with big, shit-eatin' grins on their faces.
Sure, there might be some runners out there, but from where I sit, it's the people on bikes who have been having all the fun while most of the cross-country skiers sit inside stroking their waxes because they don't want to go up to Powerline (where the snow is) and ski in the dark.
The Snooze offered some tips they called "15 things to do when it's dark and dreary." They suggested, among other things:
"Have an eggnog latte."
"Visit a tanning booth."
"Paint a room."
I have to stop now, because the suggestions are so stimulating they start to make me hot. I mean, really. Painting a room? Mmmmm, baby, what a rush! And I'm sorry—really, I am—but if you go caroling, you need an ass-kickin' and that's all there is to it.
Here's a tip for ya. I call it "Tim's list of things to do when it's dark and dreary."
1. Man up, Nancy. Quit whinin' about the weather, and get out there.
2. There is no Number 2