Is it a blog, or crime scene?

Damn. I'm not sure where this post started, where it ended up or what happened along the way. One minute I was telling a nice little story about bikes, and the next I was going off on everyone from Terrell Owens to Dick Cheney. For sheer humanitarian reasons, I blazed through it with a rapid-fire delete key and left only the highlights. I'll just dive right in. Maybe you'll manage to find some bike stuff amid all this debris.

This is a painful way to finish a mountain bike race. It's the kind of thing I would do, except I rarely race and, when I do, I cross the finish line too slowly to do much damage.

Here's an area I rarely delve into—entertainment. Nicolas Cage is upset because he wasn't chosen as the next James Bond. Says it was because he's an American. That's a relief. I was afraid they were punishing him for being a shitty actor.

The owner of this bike gets my nomination for moron of the week. The photo is from the blog Ride It Like You Stole It.

Speaking of morons. In yesterday's post I indicated a desire to make an obscene gesture at the Moron in Chief. That was very unthoughtful of me and I'm sorry. I think what he really needs is this. Or maybe this.

This just in: College hockey players engage in underage drinking. Thank god we have Fox News affiliates to unearth this kind of shocking information.

By the way, the World Health Organization is no longer saying that a flu pandemic is likely. You can let go of your fear and uncertainty. Because now it's inevitable. I'll meet you on the roof. Do you want to jump first, or should I?

And in our final news story of the day, researchers have found that chicks like nice cars and what you drive affects your love life. Somebody's getting paid for this? Bloody hell, people! My first car was a 1967 Dodge Dart. Trust me, I can tell you what kind of car won't get you laid!

Now that those painful memories have been dredged up, I'm off to cry in my beer. As one of my old bosses used to say, thanks for showin' up.