Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Warning: Low fuel

Now that much of the recent snow has been plowed, I finally resumed riding to work yesterday. I had potato soup for lunch, if you’re curious.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it, potato soup apparently sucks as fuel. By the time I got home at the end of the day, I was creeping slowly along the trail, trying to avoid the big, ugly bonk that was threatening to crash down and temporarily ruin my life.

I'm the King of Bonk. I could bonk riding across the street. Come to think of it, I probably have. There should be a town named Bonk, and at its center should be a bronze statue of me hunched over the handlebar of a bike, with a facial expression that looks like I just finished giving birth to something with antlers.

When the bottom drops out, I fall faster than Saddam's half-brother. And we all know what happened when he got to end of his rope: rrrrrrip, splat, thud.

Well, OK, two thuds. Whatever. It wasn't pretty.

I once bonked at the halfway point of a 28-mile, out-and-back trail ride in New Mexico. I was alone, with no food, and the only way back to my car was 14 miles of up-and-down desert terrain. Every inch felt like a death march. I wanted to scream, sob and call out for my mommy, but I was afraid it would tip off the buzzards and they'd commence ta circlin' like they do in old cowboy movies.

My younger brother has the same problem. If he forgets to eat regularly during a long ride and his gas tank drains, it happens quickly and he just enters survival mode. He says the tendency to bonk hard seems to be a family trait. One of our sisters does it, too.

Maybe I should sue Mom. I'm bald, slow and hungry. Where the hell are all the good genes? Oh, wait. I remember: They went to the other sons. The good-looking ones. With hair.

7 comments:

Chris said...

I don't know about in New Mexico, but I doubt the 20 pounds of clothes and 6 inches of snow under your tires help your situation in AK.

Jeff in Chico said...

I have suffered from the superbonk myself. I feel for you man.

daveIT said...

Hey Woodrow. I'm still alive...and my studded tires are still hanging in my garage. I've been buy training for the Great Alaskan Beer & Barley Wine Festival. Maybe once that's over I can get back to biking. I'm such a loser.

daveIT said...

*busy training

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tim said...

Damn, Dave. I should somehow block you from posting comments on my blog. People might think we know each other. You haven't shown up at a Frigid Bits all season! You seem to be under the impression that one can't combine beer and biking. We need to straighten that out, sonny boy. We're tailgaitin' at the next race, so pedal your fat ass across the street and join us.

Chris, I don't know about 20 pounds of clothes and 6 inches of snow, but point taken. You're onto something there. I think my winter fat is a bigger issue than my clothes, though.

And Jeff: Thanks for empathizing. Food good. Bonk bad.

Jeff said...

Something that has helped me was switching to decaf coffee. It's really evened out my blood sugar, and I don't have the huge peaks and valleys of hunger anymore. It took a few months to get there though. I mixed decaf and regular, the ratio of regular decreasing over time. When I tried to quit caffeine cold turkey, I couldn't wake up, and I'd get dizzy on the bike rides! Nowadays, if I get a Starbuck's coffee, I get an initial warm fuzzy feeling in my brain followed by shaking and an insatiable need to eat food. Caffeinated green tea doesn't seem to bother me though...

Jill said...

Great post. The statue and Barzan Ibrahim visuals were especially vivid.

Bonking must be a recessive gene. I never picked it up but my sister can't take a trip to two stores without clammoring for a smoothie. Unfortunantly, she's also got better metabolism than I do.