"I'm out of shape"Translation: I ride 400 miles a week
and I haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace
my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your underwear.
My body fat percentage is lower
than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack you
until you collapse into the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you've
been watching Celebrity Poker.
I will win the town-line sprint
even if I have to hook you into oncoming traffic.
I will crest this hill first even
if I have to grab your seat post,
spray an energy drink into your eyes
or ask you how to program my DVD player.
"I'm on my beater bike today"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made
in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope.
I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart
and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer
than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steeper sections
or you'll fall over—backward.
Oh, you have a 39x23 low gear?
Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great honey"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like
to get home before midnight. This is
what you get for spending the winter
watching football and gobbling
sausages. I shoulda married
that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article
of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
"Aw, come on, it'll be fun"
Translation: Assuming you survive.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.
7 comments:
So its international then !
Steve,
Glasgow, Scotland
Maura tells me "You're doing great Honey" quite a bit.....
JS
PS. FYI... your site is tripping my phishing alert
Guilty as charged. I couldn't tell you how many times prior to race I used such phrases as: "Man, I feel like crap today" or the reverse psych - "I'm right were I want to be on my training schedule, so today should seem easy" And then hope you can survive, because you really do feel like crapola.
I'm still giggling... Thanks for the laugh.
I've heard or said most of these but my favorite line is 'It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce' Mastercard doesn't have a clue about priceless with a line like this!
"It's not that far" See Tim I have been telling you the truth all along..........
I forgot to add that extra "Manny line."
"This trail opens up after just a short distance."
Translation: You'll be pushing your bike through deep snow until you're past the point of homicidal thoughts.
(And it'll seem short compared with this weekend's Susitna 100!)
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