Monday, February 04, 2008

Go kiss a trail

My life has turned into a steaming pile of suck. Instead of riding bikes and having fun, I spend every night sitting up alone, coughing and enduring what some might call post-nasal drip. I call it a snot hemorrhage. It makes sleep impossible, and fistfuls of drugs don't help, so I cough, sniff, and surf the Internet.

A few nights ago, I came across an unusual post on the "Passion" forum. The guy who wrote it happily recounted driving for three hours and paying a $20 admission fee to ride an indoor mountain bike park in Cincinnati.

Sorry, but "indoor" and "mountain bike" just don't belong in the same sentence. Haven't these people heard of warm clothing and studded tires?

Concrete floor, plywood, steel roof supports, walls painted with someone's perverse idea of what a pine tree looks like ... my list of reasons for being glad I don't live in Ohio just grew.

Some people complain about riding indoor trainers. I'm happy that I've used mine damn little this winter, because I've spent more time than ever riding outside on ice and snow, among trees that didn't come out of a paint can. But if I thought the only way to ride in winter was to spend several hours driving to a warehouse that charged admission, I'd rent a few DVDs full of cool explosions and hot babes, and I'd ride that trainer like a meth-crazed hamster on an exercise wheel.

The next time you wipe out and get covered with snow or dirt, or rain falls on you, or nettles scratch your shins, or your new jersey gets splattered with mud, or you get lost for an hour, be happy.

Remember this picture, and be happy.


Warren T said...

Hmmmm. I wonder if there is a market for indoor camping facilities?

Jeff Moser said...

Indoor Camping Facilities? Why not! No bugs, keep the temperature in the 70's, nice bathrooms behind the faux trees, wi-fi access...

There does seem to be a big market for fake places. Las Vegas has many famous place themed Casinos. Paris, Egypt, New York City, etc. Disneyland in CA has the "California Adventure". Where you can explore the wonders of CA right in the middle of downtown LA!

Unknown said...

Feel better! We're holding the fort together here at work. By the way, how attached were you to the wall between our offices...?