Friday, January 06, 2006

Bowl me over

There is some shit up with which I cannot put.

Like bowling. As a high school sport. And especially bowling as America’s fastest-growing high school varsity sport. We have millions of teenagers growing fatter by the day, so what do we do? We decide to call bowling a varsity sport.

Sorry, but bowling is not a sport. Bowling is a game. A game routinely played by fat people as they drink beer in ugly, smelly facilities managed by people who often look like they've spent time in a cell. High school sports require fitness and some degree of athleticism. And coaches with whistles who run you into shape. If you don’t feel like you’re gonna puke at least a couple of times during early season training, it ain’t a sport. C'mon, this ain't rocket science.

Speaking of which: Ever feel tempted to put a rocket on your bike? Of course not, because you’re a real bicyclist—that’s why you’re here. But if you were rocket scientist, you’d be looking at bikes and thinking about thrust and G-forces. Or you’d be surfing for porn involving people who wear glasses and do unmentionable things with large calculators. (Which would make you think about thrust and G-forces all over again.) Either way, you’d think crap like this is cool.

In one of my posts earlier this week I mentioned Jonathan over at Proving that shitty things happen to good people, he just lost his ride to some slimeball who poached it out of his back yard. All of us who have had a bike ripped off know his pain. I hope the dirtbag who boosted it crashes and impales himself on something large and rusty. Jonathan posted this wonderful little number on his Flikr site, and I think most of us would agree with the sentiment. You can also read it here if you’d like to save a copy of the text. I know I did.

I’ve always thought they had it figured out in the Old West. Steal a man’s horse, and you’d take long drop from a short rope. I’d have no problem using the same method for bike thieves.

While we’re on the subject of earlier posts, I’d like to update my training tip involving trainer rides and Keira Knightley movies. Keira doesn’t just give your pump up your pedaling, she can give your blog a boost, she can put lead in your … nevermind. I’ve been getting numerous hits from people who search for “bicycles” at and find this page.

Naturally, they figure, “Hey, bikes and babes! How can I go wrong?” And then they find themselves here. Poor suckers. Who knows? Maybe a few will stick around anyway.

That’s all.

Go for a ride.

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