Freeze your bits

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

—Dr. Sidney Freedman
M*A*S*H

OK kids, this here blog isn't usually a source for local news but I have some and I know more local folks are reading, so what the hell.

Carlos, organizer of the Frigid Bits criterium series, has announced the January race schedule. Grab your studs and give it a try. Hell, bring a friend. Just be sure to keep your water bottles warm.

The races will be on Goose Lake on Jan. 15 and 29 (those are Sundays, for the calendar-challenged). There will be recreational, sport and expert divisions racing 4 laps (3 miles), 8 laps (6 miles) and 12 laps (9 miles), respectively. Sign up is from 12:30 to 1:30 p.m., with a racers' meeting at 1:45 and racing at 2. Carlos plans to be at the lake this Saturday to work on the course, so it's a good time to go check it out and say hello.

He has put up fliers at RTR, Paramount and the Bicycle Shop. The word's gettin' around. Maybe there will be a nice turnout for the next race. I need to go check out the course in advance and see if I can make peace with glare ice. We have a history, and it ain't pretty. I like dirty ice with a dab of snow on it. It's stickier that way.

If you want to race with real style, build up a new set of wheels with a flowery spoke-lacing pattern. You'll probably win after all your competitors crash while checking out your fine ride. Or maybe you'll be laughed off the course, who knows?

As long as you're pimpin' that baby out, don't forget to add some neon so you'll really cool in the dim January afternoon light.

Hmm. I wonder if I could mount some thumpin' bass speakers on a bike and wire 'em up to my iPod . . .

And here's an event that, as far as I know, Anchorage hasn't had during my years here: Kirk, who tells me he's our only full-time bike messenger, would like to put together an alley cat race this winter—maybe during Fur Rondy—but he needs some help pulling it together. Check it out over at the forum and send him a message if you want to get involved.