Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Sack 'em all

I’m boycotting pro cycling. Haven’t watched a single minute of this year’s Tour de France coverage, and haven’t missed it.

Unfortunately, I check the New York Times and other news sites several times a day, so I can’t avoid the endless scandals associated with all the whores who ride bikes for a living.

Astana packed up and left the Tour yesterday. Today it was Cofidis, which didn’t even bother to request a second doping test for Cristian Moreni. Fans are now booing the yellow jersey because Rasmussen has a developed a shady drug-testing record recently.

Here’s my solution for fixing the problems in pro cycling: Shut down the sport for a year. No races at all. Send everybody home. Then plug all the alleged holes in the doping controls so that the system’s integrity can’t be questioned every time some cheater gets caught. When the sport resumes, ban for life any racer who dopes. No suspensions, no breaks, no second chances. Just let ’em go back to laying bricks, welding pipes or working the farm.

Yeah, everyone would lose a shitload of money. Sponsors and TV contracts will evaporate. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s greed that’s screwing up every major professional sport in the world, so let’s just eliminate the motive.

Of course, none of this will ever happen, so I’ll just stick with the one solution that’s guaranteed to work, at least for me: I’m turning my back on the whole damned mess.

All the news reports say the future of cycling is threatened. Screw that. I don’t care if no one ever makes another dime racing a bicycle. In fact, I’d sort of prefer that they didn’t.

The future of cycling isn’t skinny, logo-covered assholes with needles in their arms. It’s people like you and me, pedaling through life beside friends with big, shit-eatin’ grins on their faces.

5 comments:

Jill said...

Here here! Haven't watched a second of the tour, but I read the news wire every day.

Today's:

"Tour de France leader Michael Rasmussen of Denmark has been removed from the race, a devastating blow to cycling’s premier event which has been rocked by a series of doping scandals."

Ug. How can anyone expect the general public to take pro cycling seriously?

Tim said...

Well, now we know people were wrong if they thought things couldn't get any worse.

The yellow jersey kicked out of the Tour.

Holy shitballs.

Bob said...

You are correct, sir! While I love the pro's, I know I'll never ride as good as them. Can't afford the time, drugs, can't turn back the clock. I ride an average Ultegra/aluminum/ carbon stay bike and it's better than I am. I guess I love the sport for what it brings me, not what the pros do.

the old bag said...

Hear, hear!

go ride

have fun

burn calories

Caroline said...

I think cycling has just followed the lead (or led the way) as the rest of the professional sports. I like the lifetime ban idea - and let's extend that to football, baseball, etc. The dopers should all be *ashamed* of themselves!