Thursday, August 31, 2006

Addicted

A couple of weeks back, the fully shaved, rain-hating DaveIT sent me a list of 54 ways to know if you're addicted to bicycling. Aside from being amusing, this kind of shit comes in really handy when when a guy's trying to come up with something to post on a blog.

But 54? Nobody spends that much time reading my blog. I mean, really. If you took your laptop into the bathroom to read on the crapper, I'd be lucky if this was one of the dozen sites you'd surf before your moment of glory. You know I'm right.

Hey, don't feel bad. I don't take it personally. We can't all be voracious and deeply intellectual readers like our brilliant president.

So I've made it easy for ya by breaking the list down into chunks of 10 at a time. Besides, this way I have some more stuff to use the next time I'm completely out of stuff to write about.

1. Your surgeon tells you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schraeder.

2. You convert your car's brake and gas pedals to clipless.

3. A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

4. The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny's.

5. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.

6. The funeral director tells you no, you can't ride your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.

7. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.

8. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.

9. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

10. You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need two bikes ... you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

7 comments:

Linda said...

Hilarious!
(Glad there are some Americans left, that realize what's heading your country.)
__
Can I cheat and get the whole list for my "funny" folder?

nicomachus said...

Nice list. I'll add only my favorite one... You're driving a car (sometimes it happens) and you realize you're yanking up on the steering wheel when heading for potholes, trying to bunnyhop over them.

I do this. Instinctively. And can't stop.

Tim said...

There are plenty of us left, Linda. There just weren't enough in the last election, dammit. Eventually, this evil spell will be lifted and we will be delivered from the dark, moronic forces that pretend to rule us.

That article was hilarious and depressing at the same time. I doubt if Bush reads anything more challenging than comic books.

Drop me an e-mail through the link on my blog and I'll forward you the whole list.

And Nico, thanks a lot for telling me about yanking on the steering wheel. Now that you've planted that seed in my brain, I'll probably end up doing it, too!

Pete said...

I'm sitting with my laptop on the kitchen floor surfing while I listen to my newly repaired dishwasher to be sure it works right (I did the repair, hence my nervousness). I need more than 10!

Adam said...

um why is Daveit fully shaved? I hope its becasue he lost a bet or something.

By the way I've been known to pull up on the steering wheel too.

Adam

Tim said...

I haven't confirmed the shaved stuff, Adam. Just reaching that conclusion after seeing his recent forum post and reading his blog. The bloy is obsessed with an electric razor that shaves yer goodies.

I blame the Air Force. They sent him overseas and let him learn all those kinky European ways.

Linda said...

I just hope for all of us, that Mr. Smart doesn't get around to changing the law concerning the max. of terms in office... well, better say, not Mr. himself, but all the smarties around him running things and making money.
I wish they would abandon the "register to vote" for default registration after the age of 18. That's what they do here in Switzerland. Hey, in Belgium they even FINE you if you don't vote!

Another one for the list:
You're driving your car and greeting bikers coming the other direction.